desire

i used to think that wanting something to help me get closer to Allah was the best way to go.

for example, i wanted to be close to a person who is by the look of it and everything else, is the sort of person who will put Allah over everything. so that they would help me to be close to Allah. 

you know what i mean. the nice kid. that goes to masjid and have nice friends and such.

of course, like most typical person, i would think that it might just work.

but not really. spending time with that kind of people is actually quite nice. i do admit that. i love how i can be myself and feel absolutely calm all the way. but when i'm on my own, i feel normal. i'm back to where i was before. me.

however, i also must admit that i do change in some ways. the problem was, niat.

i don't feel as calm as i was before. the niat changes from time to time. 

getting back to Allah was always a challenge. i want to be close to Allah. really do.

my desire kept me thinking for quite a long time. what should i do?

Allah gave me more and more time to think. when the time was perfect, Allah showed it to me. it just came through my mind and sit there like it was meant to be. it was very clear.

i don't need to rely on His creation when i have Him.

but that does not mean i have to ignore all of that. the connection is still there. there is a reason why i am your friend, and you are mine. so that's that. 

i believe in Allah. He's near. watching me, helping me. as simple as that. i just need to remember it.

of course, i would not be a human if i don't make a mistake. but that is not a ticket for me to be completely calm over the sin that i've done. absolutely no no.

a reminder that i should TRY and NEVER lose hope in Allah. never.