what's on your mind?

i came across the usual facebook status question -
what's on your mind?

my mind was completely blank when i read those four words. usually, those combination of words would trigger my brain to come up with something to answer the question. by not saying it out loud or posting it on the facebook wall of course. but just to answer it in my mind.

but today, nothing's up here. empty. so instead of trying to answer the question, i decided to post a blog about this empty mind of mine.

i don't know why nor i care to think of the reason why i don't have the answer. of course, i do have stuff running in my head all the time but it's just not the kind of thing where you would let it all out to the world. certainly not to answer that simple question as what's on my mind? 

i must say that i didn't contribute much in giving an input to the facebook wall or simply trying to share a bit of my life. no.

first of all, i don't feel like i know that much to contribute such knowledge that i might or might not use in the future. thus, making it a waste for sharing it but not applying it myself. (this is solely my opinion of the matter.)

secondly, i don't think people would care if i expose a part of my life to the internet. nope.

*the reason why i stop using twitter*

*that's a different story*

continue.

my mind is blank and unmoved from those four words.
maybe the question itself is never easy. maybe i need more time to think of what's on my mind because there is literally a lot of things in there.

maybe.



idk.

student

sayang. 

if i could pour out every bit of memory that i have in me to help you see the world, i would. because the world is a beautiful place to live in. 

sayang,

i would show you that there is a silver lining in every cloud. that the pain and suffering that you have will subside and you will be happy again. because there is no such thing as a useless suffering. everything is there for a reason. 

sayang, 

i would not want you to miss how sweet and painful love can be. because from the sweetness of love, you will find strength and faith. and the pain that get from love will make you treat it with respect. you will know that love is not something to be play with but if you treat it with care, you would the lucky one. 

sayang, 

as you grow older, you would realize that the people who used to hold your hands and guide you through every difficulties will slowly let it go. please be ready to stand up and keep on walking. 

sayang,

it's okay to be sad. it's okay to cry your eyes out. take a moment to let it all out and pull yourself up. but if you can't, please know that whatever happens, i would always love you. and that Allah is near. talk to Allah :)

sayang, 

when you get to see the same type of people that i have met, love them. try not to hate. you'll see why. 

sayang,

if i didn't get the chance to see you again,  know that i will always think of you. i know that the world is a beautiful place to live in and i know that you would see it too one day. take care sayang. i love you. 

those things.

enough is enough.

you hated this and you don't need it anymore. so stop.
don't cross the line that you have made.

stay away from it.

cari Allah.

hmmmm~

what i found out today.

people come to you with different background, experiences, and memories. on the surface level, they are fairly the same. they agree to some things that you say and sometimes disagree. they eat, sleep and do other stuff like everyone else would do.

and sometimes, you forget that the people you see and live along all these years have something deep inside them. and that something is the prove that they are special in their own way that you yourself can't even imagine. that person, that friend and that people you see everyday, is now a total stranger to you on a different level.

then came a sudden realization that you are not the only one with overflowing emotions and experiences. you're not the only one trying to stand up after every fight. you have realized that you've been inside yourself too much. there is too little that you know of the people you see everyday. you feel stupid. i feel stupid.


k

assalamualaikum harith

field experience

fuh. bismillah. 

i was so nervous to be honest. i didn't know what to do and i fear that i might mess things up when i get there. but alhamdulillah, when i got there, the teachers were friendly and my mentor was the best mentor ever! thank you kak ju :)

i went there for two weeks which, at first, i thought it was a very long time for an assignment. i had wished it to be shorter but now, i wish i would stay longer. give me a month and i'll be happy. 

miss everyone there. i miss the teachers. i miss the students. i miss the school.

can go there again? 

4P boys, i know that two weeks is a short time but we have the rest of the time to see each other again. and even if we can't see each other, please know that i'm always here to help you if you need me. i miss each and every one of you. if you get to study in the same place as mine, do inform me so we can meet :) kay? be a good boy and a good muslim. 

* i don't have pictures with all of the 4S student. sorry. let me just shout out the ones i remember. k. hello to: faiz (the boy i called mukhsin ^^), amin, murshid (sorry if i spell it wrongly), hadi (the tall one),  (the flying man), M (i think), muhaimin (dimples comel), and izuddin :)

i have a hard time remembering people's name but i do remember faces well. so if i see you anywhere i would know. sorry for that :( try talking to me more. maybe i'll remember your name. kay :) plus, we didn't have a proper introduction. huhu

so yeah. that is it. the two weeks has ended and i'm still a little bit sad about that fact. but i am not worried anymore. i know that the students will be okay and i can't wait to see them again :)

till then, assalamualaikum :)

i am happy

alhamdulillah for

- making my life easy for me to live by 

- giving me strength to fight through every single problems

- giving me night time to sleep and day to try to be better

- loving me and guiding me all the way

- granting my wishes

- giving me a family that suits me

- letting me born as a muslim

- providing me perfect friends and teachers to be happy with me and slap me hard on the face (not literally) when i messed up in life

- sending me to two completely different high school that also thought me a lot on how to live

- blessing me with fully functional body, mind and soul (insyaAllah)

- blessing me with the beauty of the earth

- giving me dyslexia 

- giving me love

- showed me how to love

- guiding me to be good

- always pulling me back whenever i'm lost

- never given up on me

- and for loving me

and i'm sorry for everything