DREAMS

It takes a great power to stand up and face your dreams up front. Trust me love, it's easy to think about it and plan in it your head but planning is nothing if there is no execution. I have met a lot of people who talks about dream and shooting high up the sky but not many of them actually wake up from their own dreams and walk to reality. They talk as if they were half asleep. They don't see that dreams are just dreams and soon you have to wake up. What then? Will you work your way on the real world and go for what you have dreamt for? Don't get me wrong, dreams are pathways to your future but you need to move on with your own two feet to that future. 

Dreams will motivate you and keep your head up so you wont lose your way in the real world but dreams will hurt you too. It's normal so don't feel sad because if you have faith in your dreams and yourself, you will get what you want. It's okay to fall once in a while because that way, you will learn to love your dream even more and will want to reach it more than before. If you believe that it's a good dream and that is what you really want, go for it and don't be afraid. It might takes time to reach there but it's worth it. Trust me. 

Based on personal experience, following your dreams is not easy. I wanted to create something new, something where people can go and take a rest from the reality. I wanted to write because from reading, they can enter the world I created and they can feel everything in it as if they were in the pages of the book. It's a dream and I'm working on it. I have my share of glory and misery, That's life and that's how you learn to improve and sustain. It's a long way for me but I have faith on my stories, my characters, my two little hands and myself that I want help those people in need. My writing my change someone's life. Just you wait. 

Btw, congratulation to my dearest friend, amin, for getting the offer to write a book. I am so proud of you brother. 

Assumption

I guess I'm wrong when I thought that as you grow up, at one point of your life, you will know everything and if things come your way, you will be able to deal with it naturally. with lots of experience of course. but as always, I'm wrong. give me a break, I don't know everything in life.

I thought that I have reach that one point of life where I'm wiser and smarter too but then, I witness something rather interesting that changed my mind about things. I'm not wise or smart. at least not yet.

Here what I saw.
I saw an adult make a mistake. now, before you assume anything, I do know that people make mistakes and it's absolutely normal. but this mistake is not a normal mistake that 40 year old people should make. it's practically the basic rule of life. so I sat there watching this person every move and listening to every word he/she said with nothing but amazement. it's amazing how much we don't know. here I am thinking that an older person should know more when the reality is, they are learning too even in their old age. it's the ego that made them think they know better. well, if they do know better then good for them but if they don't, I don't see the reason for them to be a snob.

my point here is that we will always be a student and it doesn't matter who the teacher is. you can be the oldest person alive and still have someone wiser than you. and most importantly, we will not stop learning because what you know now is nothing compare to what the world has to offer.




I guess my assumption earlier was kinda silly. but then again, I'm still learning.

letting things out

i decided to write this post because i feel the need to let everything out. like everything else in the world, keeping things in might be dangerous and harmful. it is best to let it out to the world. you may do it any way you like. talk about it, sing, dance, write. whatever you like, you need to let it out. trust me. keeping it in would not help. like i said, you may choose whichever way you like. if you don't like people knowing about it, then let it out secretly.

me, i like to write it out. sometimes sing or draw. depends.
right now, i feel like writing because i had been ignoring the need to write. been busy.
sorry self.

i've been thinking about my future a lot lately. i'm not worried about my future in this little place called earth because i know that i will die soon so i'll just go with the flow. i'm more worried of my future in the hereafter. i know that whatever i do in this world would determine my future in the hereafter.
i know.

that is why i'm worried.

in away, i have to pay more attention to what i do in this world.
like all human beings, i made mistakes. one after another. and in away, i'm terrified.
because some of the terrible things that i've done, it is no longer a mistake. it's a choice. choice.
i had the opportunity to choose and i chose to do it again. the so called 'mistakes'
which is, of course, no longer a mistake. nope.

should i feel bad?
yes.
always yes.

then why did i do it again?
*sigh*

i have the answer. the reason. the excuse.
but i don't want to say it because i know.
and that is sad.







keep walking and hope for the best?
i guess.

heart

heartbreakers break hearts. 

that is how it goes. 

self reflection of the day

if anyone would ask me what i was like when i was younger, i would say, i was quiet.

it's normal i guess to have a child who is quiet as it is normal to also have a child that is active and cheerful. and it is right to say that every child is different in their own way. my quiet type is not a passive one. when i was a child, i like to observe people especially the so called troublemaker or the bully. there were consequences when you spend time with these people. i got bullied many times but somehow, i kept on being their friend. or, if not friend, a company. it was interesting as time went by because i get to see the real face behind that scary mask. they were not at all different than me or other kids that they have bullied. they were kind in their own way and most of all, they too have weaknesses. 

i found out that listening is very powerful and that a simple company is basically what most people need. i guess that's why those troublemakers and bullies weren't afraid to reveal their true self to me. i was happy that i was the only one who knew their secrets and trust me, if i could betray them and give them back what they have done to me, it would be so easy. however, seeing that honest face, i couldn't. it is not in my nature to seek for revenge. i have a soft heart, i must admit so seeking a revenge was never on my list. 

later on i learnt that all they ever needed was someone who would listen. me, being quiet and all somehow show that i am or could be a good listener. it was a little effort, to listen, but it meant a lot to them. i could not do more as i was only a child so all i did was listen and comfort them when needed. 

i am still the same now. i listen and i am still quiet. but i take in everything that people do and say to me or to others. because i want to fill in that space in their life. i want to be someone who could fit in their unfinished puzzle of life and be the one they look up to when they need a bit of fresh air.

i wish to be able to see more honest faces. 

i write this post because i want to remember that part of me. i tend to forget why i choose to listen sometimes and let people down in return. also, going back to my childhood and remembering how i was made me rediscover the sides of me i once hold dear. i hope with this, i would become a better person and a better me. it is not easy to do that now when there are so many things that made you forget who you truly are inside. 

.

that one time.

i don't look back on that memory
because it's too much to look at. to feel and to be where i used to be
because you see, when i look back, it's as if i'm there.
i feel everything. i hear every single noise made. so close that i could touch it or smell it
i hate it. looking back that is.

but when i do, i would get stuck in that time for some days before i could look forward again and walk on like everyone else. to the future.
to be stuck there and to have no one to pull me back to the real world scares me the most. it's too dark sometimes because i can't see the bright side of what i used to see. everything is so dark

do you understand me?

if you don't, i wont blame you. it's too complicated. but if you do, then you would know how painful it is. to just be there.






it does not matter how much i try to forget it and walk away because in time, i will go back to that memory and let myself sink in to that darkness, only to find myself crying thinking of what i could change. but the truth is, i can't change what had been done. it's stupid to think that i can. so stupid.

but that's just it. my mind is filled with those images. those memories. particularly that memory.

someone. please. take me away. help me.
just this one. help me embrace the past. the memory. that memory.

don't just let me run because the past can catch up to me.
i am not as strong as i appear to be

yes

i need to be kinder to myself.