drawing

my sister is really good at it. both of my sister. 

my older sister is very creative. i mean, she have lots and lots of ideas

and her drawing is simple yet beautiful. 

me? i'm still learning though. i'm not that creative but i usually draw whatever i see. copy them. 

i'll show my drawing someday. a bit messy though.

i'll be drawing YOU soon. amal. 

from me to me.

oh  dear me.

please don't ever forget yourself. please don't run away from who you are.
dear me, don't ever forget to be brave and believe. believe in everything that you're capable of.
everything that made you who you are. yourself. in and out.
don't run and don't be scared. don't run into someone else but yourself
i'm here. somewhere within you. please let me rise and you'll be you

oh dear me.

please learn to love people you love. even if you don't realize it or forget
try to remember. try to imagine yourself in their place.
don't you ever force yourself by saying that you should, must or simply just have to love someone.
you're wrong to force yourself to love. it's too big for you to handle. leave it.
remember to love yourself. even if it's the hardest thing to do.

oh dear me.

please stop trying to pleased everyone's heart. stop pretending, stop hurting yourself and others
you know better. pleased the one who deserve to be pleased. the mighty Allah s.w.t.
in return, your heart will be pleased. insyaAllah.
try. please just try that and just that. then you don't have to try pleasing yourself
because you know you'll be once Allah is.

oh dear me.

please remember that this is just a temporary place for you to stay.
you'll be gone soon enough.
enough said.

oh dear me.

oh dear me.

oh dear me,

i love you. change. please.

RANDOM

i'm not ready to continue my studies

i'm not mentally and physically prepare for this. i mean, degree is a scary thing to even think about. the duration is basically longer than foundation obviously and that is scary.

if there is a precise manual that would help me prepare everything that i need to survive that long years then i would definitely be safe. and when i say precise manual, i do mean precise. that contains everything. like a book written by people with different experiences than can give a heads up. yes, i do mean everything. even the smallest thing or the unnecessary things.

but that's never gonna happen. life is an adventure they say and i do believe that everything comes with a risk. and experience is a way of learning. well,
preparation is a must to me and the more the better.

anyway, the other reason is i'm caught up with all of the books that i've read or currently reading. the imaginations that i've created or rather the author want me to think is too great that i felt as if i'm in the story itself. and yes, i do enjoy going to new places from time to time even though it's only in my mind. and of course i will read for hours.

but it's not like i hardly care about the real world. i admit that i don't really watch the news on TV because i don't watch TV that much but i am trying to catch up reading news papers instead. well, i don't really care about the news while studying before but now i have to.

i understand if you say that i'm anti social and all. but the fact is, i'm only like this when i'm at home where everything else seems to be less important than staying home, reading a book or something. true, i don' talk much. and i prefer it that way because i have nothing to talk about. nothing important that is. but when i do talk, i talk a lot.

well, i guess what i'm trying to say is the outside world is supper scary to me. i am scared but staying home is making it a lot more worst.

huh~ i'm not gonna think anymore. lets read! ^^

my time

i have my time here. i admit that it is not all fun at first and i don't find it easy to fit in. i tried, i cried but i didn't fought back. i accept and change.

i must say that i fail to win 1C class heart. i fail to be their friend and i don't say that i manage to win 2C class either. it's still the same but at least i quit trying so hard in 2C class. just go with the flow though it hurts.

i found friends in other places. hangout with them share good times and bad ones. practically became a family. protect each other and accept one another. i was no longer alone and i was happy cause i have my own little family here.

syuhada, hazmira and ajmal. my dearest.

i found love here. though i didn't manage to take a hold of that love, i found another and yes, i am happy. but i too have enemies. wait, no. i cause people to hate me. it hurts to be hate but i don't mind that now. hating is tiring. to care about it is even more tiring.

i learn so much as months past by. lots of memories to be missed. yes, 10 months i think. i have learnt that much and i wish i have more time with them. my family. but i think distance will make us remember and it will make us love each other even more. finally when we meet somewhere we will remember the times we had together and that will keep the bond together. forever until the day come for us to gather and we will feel young again. we will feel as if we're still in the era of asasi TESL and UiTM Alor Gajah is our home sweet home. nothing to worry and nothing to be afraid of.

5 day. after that 5 days, i will not see them for long time.


time hurts. but time will cure in the end. i will wait for that time to come.

IMY

this is what i will miss

i will miss waking up every morning seeing jaja stil sleeping and wake her uo for subuh or her waking me up and we pray side by side

i will miss the moment when i'm going to take a shower and i saw syu, mira or ajmal on my way there and we smile to each other

i will miss the time when i went to syu and ajmal's room just to say hi or make stupid jokes then leave.

i will miss the moment when they do silly things and i will record them in using ajmal's phone and when we look at the recording, we laugh out loud

i will miss mira sleeping next to me or the three of us together. ajmal, mira and me.

i will miss playing guitar with syu and sing though we are already sleepy and tired

i will miss us using 'saya' and 'awak'

i will miss walking to class with ajmal and we do stupid things on our way just because we're bored

i will miss trying to wake ajmal up in CTU class

i will miss looking forward to finish every class because i want to see syu and say hi to her

i will miss seeing mira's face arguing with ajmal if they meet after we finish class.

i will miss seeing how happy mira is with afiq

i will miss how crazy ajmal is with safwad

i will miss omet

i will miss ong ong

i will miss each and every stupid jokes me and ajmal made. like the helmet jokes

i will miss syu and her mother like ways

i will miss seeing mira cry and seeing ajmal cry.

i will miss the moment when syu and i sang at the karaoke box and constantly checking if someone's looking at us

i will miss every night when syu's gone mad and start to merepek

i will miss every small things we had together. there is more but this is all for now. i think what i will miss the most is..

i will miss talking to my ex roommate mira

i will miss talking to my classmate ajmal

i will miss talking to my mom syu

i will miss talking to my roommate jaja

and i will miss us talking together

FRIENDSHIP

for those you know me, you would probably know how important this is to me

.friendship.

i grew up loving a friend so very much. i love them more than i love myself. i would do anything. i mean anything just to make them happy or to see them smile even for awhile. i would. i will not let anything or anyone harm them in any way possible. i don't know what else i can do now but trust me that i will be there for each one of them if they need me.

i will surely hurt knowing that they wish to stop being my friend or lied to me about being a friend of mine. it hurts deeply and i don't think by saying a simple sorry could cure that wound. i shall not be betrayed in a friendship. never. i do not wish any of them to be hated my be. i don't want to hate them after all i did to them. no. there is love somewhere but there is also hate. the kind of hate that will cover every love that i have towards them and will finally vanish.

i don't ever what that to happen.

i just hate to hate people. i hate to hate my friends.








and one of you just cross the line. and i hate you so very much.

final exam

there's not much preparation here. ehem. it's true.

compare to my roommate, i'm just a lazy lazy girl.

yes, it's tomorrow and yes my book is over there and i'm here. with this laptop of mine :) hello book, how are you over there?

okay, let's face it. i'm nervous. very nervous.


you know, since it's the last time i would sit for an examination here in UiTM Melaka. this test is very important but i will try my best. i'll be okay. i think

anyways, tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow. nothing's easy eyy? i had to admit, waiting for tomorrow or the final exam really kills me. but i'm excited for it to end that it. so i don't have to worry anymore. and i could take a long long rest.


but i will be sad because i have too part with friends and of course, MY DEAR


we're so far away. mira in kedah, ajmal and syuhada in seremban. huhu.

ALL THE BEST