how things work

when i should be writing my personal development journal, i write this instead

i know that you can't be happy all the time. i know that sometimes, you will be mad or sad or whatever. and i also know that you can try to change.

when you want something, go and get it. when you want things to be alright, make sure that it will. even though you can't control things, at least, you can try and whatever that you get in the end will be the best choice for you. Allah knows. you know know that too right?

look at the brighter sight of everything. just look at it and you will see. don't fill your head with negative stuff. i mean, why would you even do that? readers, please. try to look for it. even the smallest part of it. just look.

and that's when you will find happiness.

hey hi hello.

i'm not gonna write about me this time. shall we talk about you?

if you think that i'm talking about you, please, do shout out.

first. hi old friend.

i don't think you'll be reading this but i would like to thank you for everything. for being the first friend who stood by me. yes, you're the only one. you're alone but you stayed and for that, i'm very thankful. you were there for me and that's the only thing that i want at that moment. a friend, cause i don't have any. thank you again.

second. hello dearest. 

you. you're the best. it is more than 10 years right? you're my second family and i really love you. and i'm not ashamed to say that because i do. you're a part of me and i know that we don't really have the chance to see each other that much now but i just can't imagine my life without you. you're here with me and i know that even though we're far away, i know that you're okay. 

third. hey buddy.

i miss you. i really do. i want to talk to you. i want to tell you everything. you're my support. i know that i can live on my own but having you around is a huge bonus. like the necklace that i gave to you, you're my spark. whenever i'm down, just by looking at you, i know that i'll be fine. i don't know why but i guess that's the reason i gave you that necklace. so you wont forget how important you are to me. 

fourth. hi.

you're so comforting. sometimes annoying but in a good way. i have no worries when you're with me. somehow, i feel like i can face whatever problems that i had even though i really can't. not having you around is sort of boring. i miss you. really really do. i miss the crazy you. i miss listening to you talking or singing. i can be myself when i'm with you. which is good 

fifth. hi awak. 

rindu. i cried. finally. i miss you. thank you for everything. thank you so much. sayang awak. 

sixth. hey hey!

i cried the most when you leave. trust me. i really miss you and i want to go class with you again. sekali pun jadi la. please? T.T i don't want to write too much or else i would cry again. the thoughts of you and our memories is just.. ugrh.. don't cry!

be good okay? ❤

I don't know

Walaupun aku tak pasti dengan apa yang aku rasa selama ni dan aku tahu aku ni jenis yang unpredictable tapi aku tetap pegang pada goal yang sama. Aku tahu apa yang aku harapkan dan aku tahu juga yang mungkin aku tak akan dapat apa yang aku harapkan itu.

Aku tak tahu apa yang akan terjadi nanti tapi aku akan cuba terima sebab aku tahu Allah sayang hambaNya. Dan aku sangatlah lemah dan hina. Jadi aku akan CUBA.

I know i'm not that good. I do bad things that i'm not proud of. I'm not a good example. I know, i realize it every single time but i wish i realize it sooner so i won't have this dark dark past. I want to change and i hope i will.

Kolej, bilik, fakulti dan kelas

Kolej. Okay. Mula mula masuk aku tak focus sangat every detail yang ada kat situ. Jalan tengok bawah je. Lepas seminggu pun still tak berapa nak kisah dengan kolej tu. Cantik ke tak, ad berapa blok, dsb.

Bilik. Okay. Bilik untuk dua orang. Selesa. Tapi disebabkan ini kolej lama so bilik dia tak la selawa bilik kat tun hasan. Tapi syukur la. Feel dia tak sama tapi rasa selamat. Alhamdulillah.

Fakulti. Ya Allah, syukur sangat. Tempat dia cantik dan bersih. Kecil tapi memang sangat at home. Best. Still tak focus sangat in every detail yang ada. Library je sempat. Okay jugak library dia. Cool. Tak usha habis lagi.

Kelas pulak. Hm. Macam sekolah? Tak kesah pun. Hari ni baru start the first class. Classmates pun okay. Some. Tak kenal semua lagi. Hewhew.

Rasa dia lain sangat bila dah start degree. Macam lagi matang? Walaupun perangai macam lagi gedik. Err. Still, when it comes to studies ataupun menguruskan diri and stuff, aku rasa lagi matang. Okay la kan?

Tapi sibuk sangattttt... Banyak benda kena buat. Memang tk boleh main main dah. Huhh.

So friends, maaf la ye kalau tak dapat nak hangout selalu. Have fun with others and all the best.

Take care for now.

Sudah tiba

Hm.
Dah sampai uitm.

Cerita segala benda lepas seminggu okay.

happy or sad

i hate myself sometimes. 

i think i love people too much.

to be apart from those people will never be my choice. it hurts too much to let go.
but if we do, i would be awfully sad. very sad that i would cry and i don't cry that much. but i did. i cried my eyes out.

sigh.

to think of all the memories that we had. the usual feeling that we had everyday. my on earth would i want to let go of all that? no reason. but i can't change the fact that we're no longer together. the feeling's gone  and i wont be the same after.

sigh.

sad days to come huh?

well, it used to be like that whenever my mind went flying back to the happy days. sad and tears. eventually. i could only think of something that would make me sad and honestly, now, i'm tired of it.
seriously. yes, it hurts to be apart but i can do nothing until we meet again.

and what up with the sad stuff? aren't there any happy memories to recall? no? of course there is.

when i started to think of the happy times together, the feeling changes. we had a great time together and now we're taking a break. soon, maybe, we'll see each other. what's the different? it will be the same smile, the same laugh,  the same stuff we did together right?

i mean, there will be that time. the time where we will feel the same again deep down even though we're not the same anymore and we've met different people and have different way of life. with all that differences, we have the same memories. so what's the big deal?

fuh.

i guess, i'm no longer sad. yay.

i can't wait to meet all of you again. even if it's just a minute. of less than that.


see you  

Ah. Pening..

Kalau nak buat apa apa keputusan, tolong la consider Allah sebagai tempat untuk mintak tolong ataupun petunjuk.
Ya, kadang kadang kita terlepas pandang atau abaikan the fact that setiap keputusan yang kita pilih tu ada consequence nya. In the end orang lain juga yang dipersalahkan. Kesian.
Cuba bayangkan kalau kita letakkan Allah dulu sebelum membuat apa apa keputusn, insyaAllah everything will turn out well.
And if it does not turn out the way you have wanted it to, just reflect for a while and think positive.
Allah tak kejam. Mesti ada sebab kenapa tak dapat. Fikir sejenak. Mungkin ada yang lebih baik? Mungkin?
Tetapi kena ingat, mungkin semua yang kita dapat ni tak elok untuk kita tapi Allah nak uji. Things can happen and we'll never know.
Ask Allah for help. Siapa lagi yang nak tolong kan? So go ahead Aliaa :)
Ask.