self advice :)

sembang kosong.

kita selalu sangat sembang kosong kan? walaupun sembang tu berunsurkan discussion, lama kelamaan, 'discussion' tu akan berubah menjadi kosong dan tak bermakna. otak yang aktif berjalan masa berbincang tadi terus berhenti.

awak.

pendapat tu penting. tapi kalau pendapat takde conclusion dan terus jump kepada pendapat yang lain dan seterusnya, pendapat tu akan jadi macam makan tak habis tapi masih nak makan dan tak akan kenyang.

kenapa tak kenyang? sebab in the end, sembang tu akan jadi kosong. bila dah habis sembang, kita tak dapat nak ingat balik apa yang kita cakap dan akan ada awkward dan silent moment.dan bila kita cuba nak hilangkan awkward moment tu dengan bangkitkan topik yang baru, kita akan lupakan topik  yang sebelumnya dan proses ni akan berterusan.

sedihkan? cuba ingat balik berapa lama kita ambil untuk habiskan topik pertama yang kita sembangkan tu? kalaulah masa yang dihabiskan macam tu je dapat ditukarkan dengan aktiviti yang berfaedah macam bersenam (contoh), mesti kita kurus dah sihat. betul kan?

apa kata kita selitkan Allah dalam perbualan kita tadi tu. puji Allah. ingat Allah. memang topik tu macam tak sesuai tapi fikir lagi. mesti boleh. kalau kita buat macam tu, awak dengan saya boleh la dapat something in return. kan lagi bagus kalau macam tu. tambahkan lagi cinta kepada Allah. Allah kan lover kita. hehe.

sweet gitu. auww..

awak ingatkan la kawan kawan awak tu. bukan nak menunjuk tapi sekadar nak berjalan bersama ke syurga.

love

i did not have the best story at the beginning. my story did not start with a happy introduction. it was a dark dark past but it got better. alhamdulillah. i did not ask for it to happen but Allah knows what is the best for me. 

i am happy that i went through all that. it made me stronger. and i know that things might not stay the same as i wanted. i might fall again but my faith and love will still be there when i do.  i have Allah. i know and i'm sure.

i forget sometimes but i know my way back. 

i could be sad. i could be happy. i could even fall in love with someone. but i could not leave Allah. i couldn't. because Allah is my reason. 

i don't know what else to say but this is the only thing that i want now. my faith and love to Allah. 

i've been lost for a long time and i'm afraid that i might be lost again. i don't want that.

friends, know that i love you. don't give up please. it is hard but don't give up. 

never lose hope in Allah. He's there for you. ask. 

short

i now know how to approach it the right way and i shall not let it drown me

or

just let it flow and move on like i used to.  

i would try. both. 

true friends.

a friend once shared something rather simple yet important and useful.

she told us her stories or past and came to the point where she was talking to her high school teacher.

her teacher advised her on making friends since she came from a small place and going to study in a far more developed place. the teacher said (i'm paraphrasing) 'kalau nak cari kawan, cari lah dalam surau'.

and she found her friends. alhamdulillah. 

                                                ........................................................

there i was, sitting there as i was listening to her stories not know how i have wasted so many opportunity of actually making the best friends i could ever find. yes, i am sitting in the surau at that moment but i felt like should step in here a long time ago. 

back in school, i made friends with my classmate (of course) and i would usually go to the surau at school and i love the place. there, i would invite my friends to join me and alhamdulillah they followed. it was the best of time but i forgot all about it as soon as i left school which is sad. i forget the feeling, the calmness that i felt when i'm there and i hate it. 

but when i'm here, and when i first step in this surau, i felt as if i'm accepted. no judgement whatsoever. i felt the bond, i felt the friendship all over again and it was wonderful. it is like a new world to me yet so familiar and loving. the people here accept you and that's the best thing ever.

i love it. 

this is my place and they are my friends. thank you Ya Rabb :)

i am a bad person

i love making friends but people tend to define me as someone not to be trusted and sort of hypocrite in someways. i don't blame them completely because i do have that unwanted qualities. qualities? i honestly think that i do give that 'i'm a bad person' look to most people which i'm terribly sorry but i don't realize it most of the time and that gave me a hard time. but as soon as they are brave enough to actually talk to me in person, they were shocked of how different i am. ehem 

anyways. i am hypocrite sometimes. well, i don't really know how to define the word hypocrite. i don't know how you define it but i think i'm hypocrite because i tend to try a little bit too hard on trying to fit in. well, i know that i could just talk to you and be friends and stuff but i can't because i was afraid that you might not want to be friends. which will lead to awkwardness and sadness. to me that is. i tried to hard okay  sorry

so this lead to a different type me. the type that i thought would fit with most of you and i should just continue being different and be happy.

NOT

after a while i stopped being the fake me or the pretend me because i feel more comfortable being who i really am. and that leads to people thinking or realizing how hypocrite i am. it's true i'm sorry. they saw how different i am and they hate it. huh.

it is hard for me because i don't have a very good past. you get the picture.

so now i actually want to be myself and i tried it here in shah alam and i made it. for now. i'm happy and i don't care anymore when people judge me. not that they judge me in anyway but if they tend to do it like most of my friends did, then what the heck. i don't care anymore. if it's an acceptable comment about me that i would consider to take it but if it's just a lame one than i'm sorry brahh i just don't care. it has been fun with the fact that i don't have to worry anymore.

i told my few friends how i was and how i am and they seemed to understand. i don't know if they can accept it but i'm glad that they don't give you that 'i'm judging you right now' look.

i'm trying to be me again. a better me. so please friends, if you want to give me something, give me something that i really need not something that you need to make yourself happy and proud. for the wrong reason. please?

be happy.

i look for the smallest things that usually ignored in life and those little things will never fail to make me happy. i am grateful of those little things and i really hope that more people would see what i see everyday or what i feel. because then you'll remember that you had the best things in life. 

it's all around you. 

look. 

Please.

Please people. Do understand that the three words, I LOVE YOU, are not something to be play with. Be serious will you? People might get hurt with those words. You don't simply say it to anyone and walk away as if it meant nothing. If it doesn't mean anything to you then fine. Just DON'T say it and keep your meaningless 'i love you' to yourself.

Seriously.