aku rindu

aku memang tak reti nak sorok atau tipu bila aku cakap aku rindu
aku rindu syu,
aku rindu mira,
aku rindu ajmal

aku tau kita macam awkward bila jumpa balik. aku tau.
kita buat macam biasa je. tapi aku betul betul rindu.

aku rindu.

aku tak tau apa yang korang rasa.
tapi aku tak pernah fail untuk rasa happy bila aku fikir pasal korang.
aku happy sebab kita ada that special moment.

aku happy sebab aku pernah buat each and everyone of you smile.

:)

sekarang ni aku just rindu.

aku tak rasa korang jauh.

i know.

i don't know all but i know.
i know me. i might not know how to explain me but i know

remember that i know before you claim that you know more
because if you do, i might not know me anymore

i don't want you to take me away
so if you do, just leave. immediately





sleepy me is sleepy.
idea mengarut. kbai.

guilt

once you know that your heart is not feeling well and you feel as if there is something wrong with everything, you're getting further away from Allah.

yes, that is what i'm feeling now.

i know and i hate it. i'm not saying that i'm giving up because i know that this is one of His test to see if i'm really that serious. if i really love Him.

every evil step i choose to take is a thousand steps away from Allah. it's too painful.

i want to shout out that 'i don't know what to do' but i can't because i know what i did and i know how to try and fix it. i know.

the most painful part is when i ask Allah to help me but i'm not even trying.



i do know what to do.

i do know what not to do.






i do.


i just..

the three

i miss how everything was.

it was a bittersweet memory. i love them too much but i let go and move on.

ajmal, syu, and mira.

oh how much i love them. i love how incomplete we are and how we complete each other.

i miss the warmth in mira's eyes. the moment you look at her, you know that you'll be fine even though things are not fine. she will comfort you and that's all you need.

i miss syu the way she is. you would have to get to know her to know what i mean. she's something. i can't really say but you'll know that you've never met anyone like her.

i miss how concern ajmal is. you don't see it of course. she's very secretive but when she care, you better believe that she care. and when she love, you should never doubt. this is what i like about her. she stick to her heart.



everything is still here.







yeah, i know. i'm that kind of friend. i appreciate them.

desire

i used to think that wanting something to help me get closer to Allah was the best way to go.

for example, i wanted to be close to a person who is by the look of it and everything else, is the sort of person who will put Allah over everything. so that they would help me to be close to Allah. 

you know what i mean. the nice kid. that goes to masjid and have nice friends and such.

of course, like most typical person, i would think that it might just work.

but not really. spending time with that kind of people is actually quite nice. i do admit that. i love how i can be myself and feel absolutely calm all the way. but when i'm on my own, i feel normal. i'm back to where i was before. me.

however, i also must admit that i do change in some ways. the problem was, niat.

i don't feel as calm as i was before. the niat changes from time to time. 

getting back to Allah was always a challenge. i want to be close to Allah. really do.

my desire kept me thinking for quite a long time. what should i do?

Allah gave me more and more time to think. when the time was perfect, Allah showed it to me. it just came through my mind and sit there like it was meant to be. it was very clear.

i don't need to rely on His creation when i have Him.

but that does not mean i have to ignore all of that. the connection is still there. there is a reason why i am your friend, and you are mine. so that's that. 

i believe in Allah. He's near. watching me, helping me. as simple as that. i just need to remember it.

of course, i would not be a human if i don't make a mistake. but that is not a ticket for me to be completely calm over the sin that i've done. absolutely no no.

a reminder that i should TRY and NEVER lose hope in Allah. never.

short

i need to read more. 

we need to read more. read more!

self advice :)

sembang kosong.

kita selalu sangat sembang kosong kan? walaupun sembang tu berunsurkan discussion, lama kelamaan, 'discussion' tu akan berubah menjadi kosong dan tak bermakna. otak yang aktif berjalan masa berbincang tadi terus berhenti.

awak.

pendapat tu penting. tapi kalau pendapat takde conclusion dan terus jump kepada pendapat yang lain dan seterusnya, pendapat tu akan jadi macam makan tak habis tapi masih nak makan dan tak akan kenyang.

kenapa tak kenyang? sebab in the end, sembang tu akan jadi kosong. bila dah habis sembang, kita tak dapat nak ingat balik apa yang kita cakap dan akan ada awkward dan silent moment.dan bila kita cuba nak hilangkan awkward moment tu dengan bangkitkan topik yang baru, kita akan lupakan topik  yang sebelumnya dan proses ni akan berterusan.

sedihkan? cuba ingat balik berapa lama kita ambil untuk habiskan topik pertama yang kita sembangkan tu? kalaulah masa yang dihabiskan macam tu je dapat ditukarkan dengan aktiviti yang berfaedah macam bersenam (contoh), mesti kita kurus dah sihat. betul kan?

apa kata kita selitkan Allah dalam perbualan kita tadi tu. puji Allah. ingat Allah. memang topik tu macam tak sesuai tapi fikir lagi. mesti boleh. kalau kita buat macam tu, awak dengan saya boleh la dapat something in return. kan lagi bagus kalau macam tu. tambahkan lagi cinta kepada Allah. Allah kan lover kita. hehe.

sweet gitu. auww..

awak ingatkan la kawan kawan awak tu. bukan nak menunjuk tapi sekadar nak berjalan bersama ke syurga.