assalamualaikum harith

field experience

fuh. bismillah. 

i was so nervous to be honest. i didn't know what to do and i fear that i might mess things up when i get there. but alhamdulillah, when i got there, the teachers were friendly and my mentor was the best mentor ever! thank you kak ju :)

i went there for two weeks which, at first, i thought it was a very long time for an assignment. i had wished it to be shorter but now, i wish i would stay longer. give me a month and i'll be happy. 

miss everyone there. i miss the teachers. i miss the students. i miss the school.

can go there again? 

4P boys, i know that two weeks is a short time but we have the rest of the time to see each other again. and even if we can't see each other, please know that i'm always here to help you if you need me. i miss each and every one of you. if you get to study in the same place as mine, do inform me so we can meet :) kay? be a good boy and a good muslim. 

* i don't have pictures with all of the 4S student. sorry. let me just shout out the ones i remember. k. hello to: faiz (the boy i called mukhsin ^^), amin, murshid (sorry if i spell it wrongly), hadi (the tall one),  (the flying man), M (i think), muhaimin (dimples comel), and izuddin :)

i have a hard time remembering people's name but i do remember faces well. so if i see you anywhere i would know. sorry for that :( try talking to me more. maybe i'll remember your name. kay :) plus, we didn't have a proper introduction. huhu

so yeah. that is it. the two weeks has ended and i'm still a little bit sad about that fact. but i am not worried anymore. i know that the students will be okay and i can't wait to see them again :)

till then, assalamualaikum :)

i am happy

alhamdulillah for

- making my life easy for me to live by 

- giving me strength to fight through every single problems

- giving me night time to sleep and day to try to be better

- loving me and guiding me all the way

- granting my wishes

- giving me a family that suits me

- letting me born as a muslim

- providing me perfect friends and teachers to be happy with me and slap me hard on the face (not literally) when i messed up in life

- sending me to two completely different high school that also thought me a lot on how to live

- blessing me with fully functional body, mind and soul (insyaAllah)

- blessing me with the beauty of the earth

- giving me dyslexia 

- giving me love

- showed me how to love

- guiding me to be good

- always pulling me back whenever i'm lost

- never given up on me

- and for loving me

and i'm sorry for everything

dear you

looking at you made me think of the steps that i took that made me who i am today. true, you were just a fragment of my memory but the impact was not. what i felt before was still here in me and i remember them every time i look at you.

dear you, you might not be the best person for me to keep around forever, but you were the right person that i need for me to be what i am today and for that, i thank you. 

for all the pain that i have caused, for all the tears that i made fall, for all the heart i have broken, and for all the love that i have thrown away, i want you to know that i was young and i made stupid decisions. but that decision was not to abandon you or to hurt you. it was, really, to step into something new and to feel love. 

but i was scared so i pulled myself out.

i'm sorry.

i hope i'm not alone in this journey. i hope that you have learnt something too. even though the things that you've learnt is to not approach someone like me, i would still be happy.

just sitting here with my eyes close, thinking of the past made me calm because i know that if i went through that again, i would be fine.


whoever you are, you are still part of me. even if it's just a tiny bit of me.

HEY! LISTEN. or leave. k leave.... :(

at one point, i don't even care if people read my blog post or not. 
because i just don't
yeah

so here's a thing, not talking or participating in a conversation (by that i mean, talking. which is the same thing. lol) made you realize the little things that you might not see when you actually do the talking and waiting for your turn to talk while other people respond to the things that you have talked about. so yeah. did you know that?

by not talking and just listening or observing, you would actually learn A LOT! see how i emphasized it by Caps Locking the A LOT?

k cukup merepek.

continue.

i mean, just stop talking for a while to listen and observe. you will see that most of what people talk about (usually it's a negative conversation on how they hate someone or something and their faces would be all grumpy and not friendly kind of conversation) is clearly and obviously the things that they have it in them but too busy talking and hating to realize the fact that they are just the same as the people that they hate or talk bad things about.

seriously. just admit it.

well, at first you would probably hate that person for being such a hypocrite but stop right there! if you do that, you are nothing but the same. come on, be positive for a while. open your chamber of thoughts  (lols) and listen more. you will have a good laugh. but hey, soon or later you have to stop laughing to their silly mistakes and think of yours.

you have mistakes as well. you talk bad about people. and you did or will do those things that you're laughing at so chill and think for a while.

here's the crucial part. what to do now?
well, it's very simple actually. all you have to do is talk. yes. now is your chance to talk. see, now that you have the information, you can try to talk to that person (the grumpy ones) and be a friend. NOT A JERK.

helping is better and no more laughing remember?

so help them realize that they should not talk the way they did about the person that they hate. explain it to them that they might be the same if they continue to do so. hating is just cruel but if you take steps to try and love people as people, you might not be a jerk and live a good life.



i know that it is a difficult step to apply but hey, if you're smart enough (which i know you are. eheh heh) you'll find a way.


you'll understand what i'm trying to say here when you're the one doing the listening and not the talking. try to do that, then read this post.

haha. macam banyak keje.

anyways. talking is important but if everyone does it at the same time, who would listen?

YOU






i'm starting to think that this post is more to merepek and i don't know what i'm talking about stuff. so yeahh. 

me on marriage

i told my parents that i was planning to get married when i finish my degree. insyaAllah, i would be 23 year old by that time. it is not a simple plan but alhamdulillah, my parents have no objection whatsoever. it might be too early to some or it might be some kind of disturbance to my studies and future but i know that it's a good thing.

i didn't have a proper discussion with my parents yet. they were busy and i have to think of everything before i could convince them more of my next step to marriage. i have to list out everything and think of a problem and solution.

most importantly, i have to improve myself because i don't think that my parents would let me off with some guy if they knew that i'm not ready to face the new life. thinking about it actually made me scared a bit but i'll try to make it. like i said, improve improve improve!

how?
strengthen my aqidah. the most important thing ever!
try to control my emotions.
financial? yes, it is important too. so here, i need to study hard.
read more on related things.

when i'm ready, mama and abah, we will discuss.

people oh people.

i get tired when i think about people. i don't understand most of the things that they do or say. it tires me just to think about it and sometimes i can't stop. in the end, i would have to remind myself that, 'hey, people are unique. they didn't live the way you did so you can't expect them to think the way you do. the end.'

sometimes, there is no end. no no

i would refuse to use the old reminder just because I WANT TO KNOW. yes. 

i would get to a point where my body would continue doing whatever i have to do at that time but my mind would stuck on something else. i bet if someone would talk to me at that moment, i would just nod and agree. or disagree.  

it's that bad people

i should understand that we are all different. yes. i do understand the fact, but.. but...

i just need to know.

so tell me this -

did you not notice that you actually have the qualities that you so rudely judge on others?

i'm not saying that i don't judge people badly. i do but i tried not to now because i REALIZE that i am that bad as well. most of the time. i feel bad after. but do you?

like i said, i just don't understand. why why? i don't hate you people. trust me, i don't. 

i feel bad for the people that you have judged and i feel bad for you too because you didn't see that in you. the stuff that you said to people. yeah, you have them too my dear. 

so yeah. tell me. or tell yourself. 

my brain is so erghhhhhhhh. 

k