HEY! LISTEN. or leave. k leave.... :(

at one point, i don't even care if people read my blog post or not. 
because i just don't
yeah

so here's a thing, not talking or participating in a conversation (by that i mean, talking. which is the same thing. lol) made you realize the little things that you might not see when you actually do the talking and waiting for your turn to talk while other people respond to the things that you have talked about. so yeah. did you know that?

by not talking and just listening or observing, you would actually learn A LOT! see how i emphasized it by Caps Locking the A LOT?

k cukup merepek.

continue.

i mean, just stop talking for a while to listen and observe. you will see that most of what people talk about (usually it's a negative conversation on how they hate someone or something and their faces would be all grumpy and not friendly kind of conversation) is clearly and obviously the things that they have it in them but too busy talking and hating to realize the fact that they are just the same as the people that they hate or talk bad things about.

seriously. just admit it.

well, at first you would probably hate that person for being such a hypocrite but stop right there! if you do that, you are nothing but the same. come on, be positive for a while. open your chamber of thoughts  (lols) and listen more. you will have a good laugh. but hey, soon or later you have to stop laughing to their silly mistakes and think of yours.

you have mistakes as well. you talk bad about people. and you did or will do those things that you're laughing at so chill and think for a while.

here's the crucial part. what to do now?
well, it's very simple actually. all you have to do is talk. yes. now is your chance to talk. see, now that you have the information, you can try to talk to that person (the grumpy ones) and be a friend. NOT A JERK.

helping is better and no more laughing remember?

so help them realize that they should not talk the way they did about the person that they hate. explain it to them that they might be the same if they continue to do so. hating is just cruel but if you take steps to try and love people as people, you might not be a jerk and live a good life.



i know that it is a difficult step to apply but hey, if you're smart enough (which i know you are. eheh heh) you'll find a way.


you'll understand what i'm trying to say here when you're the one doing the listening and not the talking. try to do that, then read this post.

haha. macam banyak keje.

anyways. talking is important but if everyone does it at the same time, who would listen?

YOU






i'm starting to think that this post is more to merepek and i don't know what i'm talking about stuff. so yeahh. 

me on marriage

i told my parents that i was planning to get married when i finish my degree. insyaAllah, i would be 23 year old by that time. it is not a simple plan but alhamdulillah, my parents have no objection whatsoever. it might be too early to some or it might be some kind of disturbance to my studies and future but i know that it's a good thing.

i didn't have a proper discussion with my parents yet. they were busy and i have to think of everything before i could convince them more of my next step to marriage. i have to list out everything and think of a problem and solution.

most importantly, i have to improve myself because i don't think that my parents would let me off with some guy if they knew that i'm not ready to face the new life. thinking about it actually made me scared a bit but i'll try to make it. like i said, improve improve improve!

how?
strengthen my aqidah. the most important thing ever!
try to control my emotions.
financial? yes, it is important too. so here, i need to study hard.
read more on related things.

when i'm ready, mama and abah, we will discuss.

people oh people.

i get tired when i think about people. i don't understand most of the things that they do or say. it tires me just to think about it and sometimes i can't stop. in the end, i would have to remind myself that, 'hey, people are unique. they didn't live the way you did so you can't expect them to think the way you do. the end.'

sometimes, there is no end. no no

i would refuse to use the old reminder just because I WANT TO KNOW. yes. 

i would get to a point where my body would continue doing whatever i have to do at that time but my mind would stuck on something else. i bet if someone would talk to me at that moment, i would just nod and agree. or disagree.  

it's that bad people

i should understand that we are all different. yes. i do understand the fact, but.. but...

i just need to know.

so tell me this -

did you not notice that you actually have the qualities that you so rudely judge on others?

i'm not saying that i don't judge people badly. i do but i tried not to now because i REALIZE that i am that bad as well. most of the time. i feel bad after. but do you?

like i said, i just don't understand. why why? i don't hate you people. trust me, i don't. 

i feel bad for the people that you have judged and i feel bad for you too because you didn't see that in you. the stuff that you said to people. yeah, you have them too my dear. 

so yeah. tell me. or tell yourself. 

my brain is so erghhhhhhhh. 

k

aku rindu

aku memang tak reti nak sorok atau tipu bila aku cakap aku rindu
aku rindu syu,
aku rindu mira,
aku rindu ajmal

aku tau kita macam awkward bila jumpa balik. aku tau.
kita buat macam biasa je. tapi aku betul betul rindu.

aku rindu.

aku tak tau apa yang korang rasa.
tapi aku tak pernah fail untuk rasa happy bila aku fikir pasal korang.
aku happy sebab kita ada that special moment.

aku happy sebab aku pernah buat each and everyone of you smile.

:)

sekarang ni aku just rindu.

aku tak rasa korang jauh.

i know.

i don't know all but i know.
i know me. i might not know how to explain me but i know

remember that i know before you claim that you know more
because if you do, i might not know me anymore

i don't want you to take me away
so if you do, just leave. immediately





sleepy me is sleepy.
idea mengarut. kbai.

guilt

once you know that your heart is not feeling well and you feel as if there is something wrong with everything, you're getting further away from Allah.

yes, that is what i'm feeling now.

i know and i hate it. i'm not saying that i'm giving up because i know that this is one of His test to see if i'm really that serious. if i really love Him.

every evil step i choose to take is a thousand steps away from Allah. it's too painful.

i want to shout out that 'i don't know what to do' but i can't because i know what i did and i know how to try and fix it. i know.

the most painful part is when i ask Allah to help me but i'm not even trying.



i do know what to do.

i do know what not to do.






i do.


i just..

the three

i miss how everything was.

it was a bittersweet memory. i love them too much but i let go and move on.

ajmal, syu, and mira.

oh how much i love them. i love how incomplete we are and how we complete each other.

i miss the warmth in mira's eyes. the moment you look at her, you know that you'll be fine even though things are not fine. she will comfort you and that's all you need.

i miss syu the way she is. you would have to get to know her to know what i mean. she's something. i can't really say but you'll know that you've never met anyone like her.

i miss how concern ajmal is. you don't see it of course. she's very secretive but when she care, you better believe that she care. and when she love, you should never doubt. this is what i like about her. she stick to her heart.



everything is still here.







yeah, i know. i'm that kind of friend. i appreciate them.