people oh people.

i get tired when i think about people. i don't understand most of the things that they do or say. it tires me just to think about it and sometimes i can't stop. in the end, i would have to remind myself that, 'hey, people are unique. they didn't live the way you did so you can't expect them to think the way you do. the end.'

sometimes, there is no end. no no

i would refuse to use the old reminder just because I WANT TO KNOW. yes. 

i would get to a point where my body would continue doing whatever i have to do at that time but my mind would stuck on something else. i bet if someone would talk to me at that moment, i would just nod and agree. or disagree.  

it's that bad people

i should understand that we are all different. yes. i do understand the fact, but.. but...

i just need to know.

so tell me this -

did you not notice that you actually have the qualities that you so rudely judge on others?

i'm not saying that i don't judge people badly. i do but i tried not to now because i REALIZE that i am that bad as well. most of the time. i feel bad after. but do you?

like i said, i just don't understand. why why? i don't hate you people. trust me, i don't. 

i feel bad for the people that you have judged and i feel bad for you too because you didn't see that in you. the stuff that you said to people. yeah, you have them too my dear. 

so yeah. tell me. or tell yourself. 

my brain is so erghhhhhhhh. 

k

aku rindu

aku memang tak reti nak sorok atau tipu bila aku cakap aku rindu
aku rindu syu,
aku rindu mira,
aku rindu ajmal

aku tau kita macam awkward bila jumpa balik. aku tau.
kita buat macam biasa je. tapi aku betul betul rindu.

aku rindu.

aku tak tau apa yang korang rasa.
tapi aku tak pernah fail untuk rasa happy bila aku fikir pasal korang.
aku happy sebab kita ada that special moment.

aku happy sebab aku pernah buat each and everyone of you smile.

:)

sekarang ni aku just rindu.

aku tak rasa korang jauh.

i know.

i don't know all but i know.
i know me. i might not know how to explain me but i know

remember that i know before you claim that you know more
because if you do, i might not know me anymore

i don't want you to take me away
so if you do, just leave. immediately





sleepy me is sleepy.
idea mengarut. kbai.

guilt

once you know that your heart is not feeling well and you feel as if there is something wrong with everything, you're getting further away from Allah.

yes, that is what i'm feeling now.

i know and i hate it. i'm not saying that i'm giving up because i know that this is one of His test to see if i'm really that serious. if i really love Him.

every evil step i choose to take is a thousand steps away from Allah. it's too painful.

i want to shout out that 'i don't know what to do' but i can't because i know what i did and i know how to try and fix it. i know.

the most painful part is when i ask Allah to help me but i'm not even trying.



i do know what to do.

i do know what not to do.






i do.


i just..

the three

i miss how everything was.

it was a bittersweet memory. i love them too much but i let go and move on.

ajmal, syu, and mira.

oh how much i love them. i love how incomplete we are and how we complete each other.

i miss the warmth in mira's eyes. the moment you look at her, you know that you'll be fine even though things are not fine. she will comfort you and that's all you need.

i miss syu the way she is. you would have to get to know her to know what i mean. she's something. i can't really say but you'll know that you've never met anyone like her.

i miss how concern ajmal is. you don't see it of course. she's very secretive but when she care, you better believe that she care. and when she love, you should never doubt. this is what i like about her. she stick to her heart.



everything is still here.







yeah, i know. i'm that kind of friend. i appreciate them.

desire

i used to think that wanting something to help me get closer to Allah was the best way to go.

for example, i wanted to be close to a person who is by the look of it and everything else, is the sort of person who will put Allah over everything. so that they would help me to be close to Allah. 

you know what i mean. the nice kid. that goes to masjid and have nice friends and such.

of course, like most typical person, i would think that it might just work.

but not really. spending time with that kind of people is actually quite nice. i do admit that. i love how i can be myself and feel absolutely calm all the way. but when i'm on my own, i feel normal. i'm back to where i was before. me.

however, i also must admit that i do change in some ways. the problem was, niat.

i don't feel as calm as i was before. the niat changes from time to time. 

getting back to Allah was always a challenge. i want to be close to Allah. really do.

my desire kept me thinking for quite a long time. what should i do?

Allah gave me more and more time to think. when the time was perfect, Allah showed it to me. it just came through my mind and sit there like it was meant to be. it was very clear.

i don't need to rely on His creation when i have Him.

but that does not mean i have to ignore all of that. the connection is still there. there is a reason why i am your friend, and you are mine. so that's that. 

i believe in Allah. He's near. watching me, helping me. as simple as that. i just need to remember it.

of course, i would not be a human if i don't make a mistake. but that is not a ticket for me to be completely calm over the sin that i've done. absolutely no no.

a reminder that i should TRY and NEVER lose hope in Allah. never.

short

i need to read more. 

we need to read more. read more!