EXPERIMENT!

my younger sister is going to sit for her PMR and we went to her school yesterday for solat hajat. 

i'm sure every school did the same thing for PMR and SPM candidates. 

so.

i don't really know what to wear and i'm too lazy to pick up a baju kurung and iron it so i wore a jubah instead. since i don't have the black hijab that i used to wear anymore, i though of wearing the one that i bought from ajmal and see how things go. 

an experiment with a bidang 60 hijab.

first thing that went through my mind was, is this okay? i was worried to tell the truth. from the moment i wear the hijab. i've never wear this kind of hijab. not this long. the longest was bidang 50. i wore it twice during the orientation in UiTM and that's it. 

surprisingly, it felt normal. it's the same feeling like when i wear the usual hijab. yes, it is longer but it didn't get it my way. i can move my arms perfectly, it is not heavy like i thought i would and i can still do the same style and look the same. oh! and carrying my bag was easier. seriously. 

so when i arrived there, it was NORMAL! and there i was, expecting something extraordinary would happened! i walked around the school with my sister while waiting for iftar and that was normal too.

i don't really pay much attention after that. so everything was okay and we did solat sunat hajat and tarawih and went home. 

i did realize a few things. first major important thing was, people respect me in a whole different level. they didn't judge. they just leave me alone which is good. deep down i do feel terrible because i don't feel like i'm good person on the inside. sigh. 

the rest was within me. i was so afraid that people will judge. they will of course, no doubt about it. i'm afraid that people will look at me as someone who knows a lot about Islam and i don't. i don't know that much. the things that i know are the things that i've learnt in school. my friends gave out some information and basically i'm still learning. 

i can't answer all of the questions. i just don't know yet. and that's the responsibility that i have to hold on to if i wear what i wore yesterday as a daily look. 

that stereotype thinking. you know what i mean. sighhh

i want to wear it as i feel safe but i don't want to fail. i have to improve myself before could be like that. have to. hm. 

so that's my experiment. 

i praise all of the woman wearing that kind of hijab. you're the best. really.