i don't look back on that memory
because it's too much to look at. to feel and to be where i used to be
because you see, when i look back, it's as if i'm there.
i feel everything. i hear every single noise made. so close that i could touch it or smell it
i hate it. looking back that is.
but when i do, i would get stuck in that time for some days before i could look forward again and walk on like everyone else. to the future.
to be stuck there and to have no one to pull me back to the real world scares me the most. it's too dark sometimes because i can't see the bright side of what i used to see. everything is so dark
do you understand me?
if you don't, i wont blame you. it's too complicated. but if you do, then you would know how painful it is. to just be there.
it does not matter how much i try to forget it and walk away because in time, i will go back to that memory and let myself sink in to that darkness, only to find myself crying thinking of what i could change. but the truth is, i can't change what had been done. it's stupid to think that i can. so stupid.
but that's just it. my mind is filled with those images. those memories. particularly that memory.
someone. please. take me away. help me.
just this one. help me embrace the past. the memory. that memory.
don't just let me run because the past can catch up to me.
i am not as strong as i appear to be