i was asked this question yesterday and it hit me like a bullet from an arm reach distance. i wasn't prepared so i panicked. funny. for someone who is currently studying to become an educator for about two years now, the question should not be so difficult or so shocking to answer. i mean, i should expect people asking me that question. right?
so there i was, sitting there with so i think a blank expression, hesitating. i guess partly, i was taken aback when i found out that the person asking the question is a lecturer and she used to take TESL as well. hmm. i am very sure that she could see right away that i was not ready for this teaching business.
well, partly, it is true. i'm not ready. i am clueless but confident enough to walk through every lesson and every challenge. so when the question appear, i cannot answer it right away because it's important to me. saying that 'yes, i want to teach' would be sort of like a promise to me. i feel like if i say it that way, i can't take it back and i HAVE to teach no matter what. it's a pressure to me because i don't know how the future might turn out to be.
okay. i know that i'm making a big deal out of something so simple but hear me out.
know how everyone have their own motivation?
well, this is mine. i keep in mind whatever i just said and i mean every word.
if i say something i didn't meant, i will regret it so. even if it sounded silly. even that.
so words, they are important. whatever i said is my source of motivation
i had a solid answer in my head - YES! I WOULD VERY MUCH LOVE TO TEACH!
but what came out was
'sort of'
that is the best i can give.
for now