heartless

When you have the heart to tell your own children that they are less than what they really are, you have destroy parts of their life that they are trying to build. Children, they know that they are different from their friends or the people they have met and throughout their life journey to discover themselves and their identity, they have heard many things and seen many things that made them rise and fall. They know and they go through that every single day trying to fit in and trying to find a solid ground where they can stand on while expecting to have a certain kind of comfort that would always motivate them and remind them that they are perfect. They don't have to go too far to find perfection because they are unique individuals who could shine no matter what people say or do to them. They are perfect. You are perfect.

And yet, what they get is that they are less, they are not good enough, they are stupid, they are ugly, they are everything negative the world has to offer. How can a child live with that in mind and with absolutely no where to go to when they lose themselves along the way? I remember someone told me that she was the least pretty among her siblings and even though people kept pointing out the obvious to her, she still put her heads up high and ignore the mean things people say because her father once told her that she is beautiful and that is enough for her to believe in herself that she is indeed beautiful. Yes, beauty is not the most important thing in the world but what i'm trying to tell you here is that she grew up strong and grew up to discover herself and the idea of beauty in its purest form. She didn't have to go around telling people or showing people how beautiful she is because she know that she is beautiful regardless of what people say. It's not all about the outer appearance, it's the inside that counts.

Now if you have the heart to tell your own children that they are less than what they really are, i don't know what kind of person you are. Help them, they are human beings after all and they know when their own parents treat them as if they are unworthy to even stand on the same level as everyone else. They know how to cry and how to feel pain when you said those horrible things about them. They wanted to feel secure and not fall off track when the whole world look down on them. If they can't even feel save under your care, they can never truly find themselves.

OLD IMAM;YOUNG IMAM

It was the month of Ramadan and whenever I'm at home, I would go to the masjid near my house after iftar for tarawih. I got back home for the semester break and I got back earlier than most of my friends from other programs because I had one paper and thankfully, it was early so I don't really have to wait to take that one final paper. So I went home and got to celebrate the holy month with mum. It was just me and my mum because everyone was away but that was fine.

So one night, we went to the masjid as usual and sat at the same spot. I love that masjid for many reasons. I love the bilal when he call for prayers, I love surah that the imam recites and I just love the whole atmosphere. The imam changes from time to time and usually there's two imam and they would take turn to lead the makmum. One imam was quite old, judging from his voice, and sometimes, due to his old age, he forgot few lines in a surah or the current rakaat so it was confusing for us too sometimes. I can tell that he tried his best to lead the prayer and although he sounds rustic, I kinda like it. The other imam was clearly younger than the old imam. His voice was clear and you can actually check on the tajwid while he recites the surah. His pace was faster than the old imam and so the whole prayer finishes early when he leads. I like both to be honest and I don't mind any of it. 

Back to the story, I sat there with my mum waiting for Isya' like we used to and then we heard the azan followed by the imam's voice telling us to straighten rows. It was really easy to identify whose voice it was and it was the young imam's voice. As we heard his command, we stood up for prayers and just so happened, I noticed the people in front of me smile and said, 'oh, imam muda' after hearing that familiar voice, feeling relieved that the young imam is leading and not the old imam. I can see it clearly on their faces that they are actually happy. I'm not sure if I have misjudged the facial expression or what they have said so forgive me for that. Deep down, I truly feel sad when I witness their reaction. 

I mean, why? Why do you think that one imam is less than the other? You don't know them and what they had to go through just to have the opportunity to lead the people. It's a huge thing to be able to lead people in prayers. It might not look like it to you but it is. I don't know. I was sad that whole night thinking about that poor old imam. 

I just have to let it out and I want people to know that if so you don't like something or someone, don't throw them away like they're useless. Don't judge them before you actually know what's going on. Respect and appreciate them for the time that they have serve the people and don't ignore them when they couldn't provide like they used to. They are still people with feelings.